The following thoughts followed from a reflection upon the life of Job. Job was a man who in the midst of all his afflictions refused to blame God; a man who said, "I came into the world with nothing and I shall leave it with nothing. The Lord gives and the Lord takes away, blessed be the name of the Lord." (Job 1:21) "We thank Him in times of plenty; so too, must we thank Him equally in times of want." We think as men. Who can know the mind of the Lord?
So, here, I lie upon my bed, 8.30a.m., Monday, 4th September 2006. What am I? So weak! So insignificant! So fragile! So vulnerable! So helpless! One who knows so very little. Almost nothing. Only a fragment do I know.
And, when one thinks of God, who knows the totality of all knowledge and being; what do I know, but less than nothing? How can a man compare himself to God? God, the fullness of Being Itself, the fullness of wisdom and knowledge of all which exists. All is transparent before Him the Source of all which exists besides Himself; and me, a creature which exists only because of His generosity, of His charity, of His love, of His humility, of His willingness to eternally serve the needs of all of His creatures, and to share with them what is His alone, by nature: Life and Being itself. Life and being are not ours by nature, but by His free gift alone, without which gift we would not be. All thanks be to God, Who has given us to share His own wonder of what it is to BE!!!
So, here I lie. What do I know? What return can I make for all He has given to me? What can I possibly have to give Him, other than what He has already given to me?
All I have to give of myself is love and thanks and praise unending; as He has called me to share in the wonder of His own very Life and Being. What love is this, His love, which shares Itself with men? I must remember also, that without Him giving me even this power to love, still now I could not love Him. But then, I also remember that all men do not come to love Him. Why is it, that when all men have been given the power to love, they do not love their Loving Benefactor first? How is it that love for their Creator, who gives them their all, does not take root in every heart?
So, what is this mystery of the heart? That some should love Him, and others not? Perhaps it is well to note, that the power to love is not restricted to directing its focus upon God alone. Hearts can fasten their power to love upon one, or many, of all the gifts given to them in the world. So, many hearts deceive themselves by placing their love rather in things created, and neglect to seek and find and give due honour to the Uncreated Creator and Giver who has given to them every good gift they've received. They close their hearts to receiving the greatest Gift of all, the unspeakable Gift of the Giver Himself Who created them to share in the very wonder of His own Eternal Life, Love, Spirit and Being. Tragically, they lock out the awesome, Eternal One from their lives and make it impossible for themselves ever to encounter and come to know Him. O, unspeakable tragedy! O, unspeakable loss not to love first, their loving Benefactor!
So, here I lie, waiting for whatever more He might care to share of His own with me... I wait as a pauper; as one of the poor and needy and hungry, waiting beneath the rich man's table to feed upon a morsel, should it perchance to fall upon the floor. And when it falls, as on occasion it does; what do I do with this priceless grain? What do I do with this treasure which has issued from the Wellspring of Life and Eternal Being Itself; this treasure which has suddenly dropped, to me?
I pick it up, cradling its priceless mystery; tears welling in my eyes, overflowing in awesome wonder. A grain of Life and Truth, given to me! With It, what am I to do? This, no man can buy or trade for. A man may only have it, free!
So, what can he do with it; as knowledge of this priceless treasure wells up within his being and overflows? Try as he might he cannot stem the flow. The gift, the morsel, is Itself alive and overflowing. It cannot be stopped or stifled, issuing as it does from the infinite wellspring of Life and Being Itself. Freely given. Freely received. Such gift can, by its own pure nature, only be given and received.....to share!!!
Like a flame and fire, it escapes to light the life and way of all whom it touches. It is thus the will of Him who gives it, that all who receive it should, in awesome wonder, have it as their own to give and to share; that all should come to be touched by it and partake of the wellspring of its Life and to drink from its waters, free!
The receiver, in receiving and sharing the free gift, ("freely receive, freely give" - Matthew 10:8) comes to mirror the One who first has given, to thereby join and share in the Same Spirit, wonder and mystery of the Divine Heart which freely shares and gives of Itself for all Eternity. Who receives his morsel to share, must also give it to others, free! In giving it to others, he finds paradoxically, that he keeps for himself the wonder to draw from Its Pure Love and Life for all eternity.
What wonder is this, O God, which you are?
O Eternal Wonder, Wisdom, Power, Might and Living, Loving Infinity.
Endless praise, love and thanksgiving be forever Yours, O Purest Heart of God.
May we love and behold You in your endless wonder and glory, forever.
May those who find and love You, be filled to overflowing with your eternal love and blissful wonder; forever to partake of but a grain of Infinite Love from your table!